I crave creative people, I also applied there for a job and haven’t rec’d a response.
I want so much to feed off of positive energy, sometimes I drown in my negative sorrows.
I want a sense a self and grasp on reality, my mind continues to float away.
I don’t know whether it’s the time or the place, perhaps it’s me pushing everyone away.
But the more I need positivity, the more distant it feels.
Is it my own lack of positivity, that draws in the opposite?
I think it’s this place, because it certainly can’t be me.
I was content at one place and time, that’s the place I want to return to.
Even if physically I can’t, I would love to find a way to dream.
If I close my eyes long enough, I could picture the place and remember the feeling.
But I’ll play a trick, I will grab it, before I open my eyes and bring it to the surface this time.
I will drink it, sleep it, eat it, so it will never leave me.
I will paint pictures, listen to the music and surround myself with all of the same things.
I will bring that place to me, then I will be content no matter where I am.
It’s not that far, so it should be too hard.
I don’t even have to think really hard, I think about it so much that it’s really the only thing on mind.
I believe it so I can live it. I remember the smell of this cup of coffee, the same cup that I drank on a similar morning there in that place. I smile, even as I open my eyes. I don’t see this place, I am so deep in thought that it’s as if I am only here in a dream. I am really there, sitting at my table drifting in thought, having a daydream about this place. My eyes are open but no one can see me, cuz I am not really here, I am there and they are here, they don’t know I am just a facade. I will visit again I promise but for now the reality of my secret place is calling, I will close my eyes once more and drift away. I need another sip.